Thank you Fitbloggin.

The amazing group at Fitbloggin '11.
Photo courtesy of fitbloggin.com.

With all the new excitement that's been bubbling for Fitbloggin '12, I can't help but think back on my experience with Fitbloggin last year. I owe a lot to Roni Noone and her incredible conference and all the attendees. I'm not sure they know how much my life changed from that short weekend.

It was the first time away from my husband and my son overnight. I had to learn how to say goodnight to my son without being there to hug and kiss him. I had to learn how to function as a mom from a distance. It was hard, it was heart-wrenching to hear my son ask me when I'm coming home over and over. I dissolved into tears over my wine more than a few times. But they didn't turn out any worse for wear when I came home. The house was intact, my kid was okay and my husband was happy to see me. I learned that I can be a mom and wife on my own just as much as I could right next to them.

Fitbloggin gave me something else that was so very special. If you're not into mushy moments, I would skip the next few paragraphs. No offense taken, really. Fitbloggin gave me the courage to realize that I don't have to be scared of losing weight. I was paralyzed by fear of failure so often, I gave up before trying. I know this is a common theme with weight loss. I know it's a common realization about halfway through the journey, which is where I'm firmly stuck for a bit.

I was terrified of having another kid. I got up to 300 lbs (and probably past it) after my son. The thought of gaining weight again, even on purpose kept me up at night. I knew how easy it would be to let it all go back on me. I knew all the excuses I'd tell myself to make it okay. I didn't want to get pregnant because I wasn't sure I could succeed at losing again. It was so hard to start. I got lost on the way, I forgot who I was as a person, I would guilt myself into not taking time for me and as a result I got unhappy. So unhappy I sincerely thought my marriage would end in divorce.

Fitbloggin gave me what I needed to remember who I was. It gave me the courage to see that it's okay to be me. It gave me my name back. A friend once told me, "You are responsible for your own happiness." That sentence never did make sense to me until the flight home from Baltimore. I understood it, then. I understood that my life is what I make of it. I can make myself happy, no guilt necessary.

I came home a different woman than when I left. I came home strong and secure in who I was, and that made all the difference in my marriage and my family. I came home happy.

That happiness is still with me. While my life hasn't been easy recently, it has never wavered when it comes to my marriage and my family. In fact, Fitbloggin gave me the courage to expand our family. I have no regrets about getting pregnant, or even the weight I'm gaining on this part of the journey. I know that I will find me throughout it all. For that, Fitbloggin was a huge factor in that. One that I'll never be able to say thank you enough.