A little bit of change.

Dubyawife, BrooklynFitChik
& Me, with of course, wine. 

I was all set to write yet another Fitbloggin' recap. There's nothing I can add that hasn't already been said. It was awesome. It was amazing. It was enlightening. It was accepting. It was like being welcomed home. There were tears. There were hugs. There were laughs. There was wine. (A lot of wine.)

I found an incredible family I didn't know I had. I also found myself a little out there in Baltimore. It was the first time in a long while that I was ME. Not a mom. Not a wife. Not an employee. I was Anda. I didn't have to worry about what people would think of J's wife, or E's mom. I got to cut loose a little bit and be silly me. It was exactly what I needed.

I could tell you about all the people, all their stories of struggle and triumph. You've already heard them from other voices much stronger than mine. I could tell you about all the seminars and information, but again, people much better than I have already written it. What I can tell you about is how it affected ME. I learned things about myself in three days that I don't know that I would have in three years. This is about what Fitbloggin changed for me. (And it will change a little for you, too, dear readers.)

Here goes:

• I will not be monetizing or advertising on this blog. Not now, and probably not ever. I have no wish to have a company hold my heart and mind in their hands. I will not ever censor what I say here, or on Twitter to fit the goals of a company. I know some won't ask that bloggers do this, but I just don't feel right representing a company that I don't feel completely and wholly stands for what I do. I want to spend some time doing this for me. Not for the idea of making money, being famous or whatever. This is my chance to work on me; my writing, and changing how I think about myself. I need this time and I'll take it for as long as I need it. 

• This blog will not longer JUST be about weight loss. It will encompass a little more of my life and my family. I will not be a mommy blogger, but I will be a real life blogger. So much of what happens around us affects our weight loss or weight gain. All of that will be on here. Even if it's in the form of what book I'm reading, or how much my husband/kid/cats are driving me up the wall. This is my little spot on the internet, and I'm going to use that place to be myself. To just be Anda. 

• I will not be walking a half marathon this November. Or doing a mini-triathlon next year. It's not because I don't want to, I do. I know my body and I know my health. I know if I try to push myself to do these things, my health will no longer cooperate. I'm a slow person by nature, even though this wasn't always so, it certainly is now. It doesn't mean I won't get things done, but it  means I will go at my own pace.  And whatever that pace may be, when I'm ready, I'll go for it. 

• It's not about the numbers. Not for me, anyway. It's not the calories burned exercising anymore. Or how many I'm eating. It's about changing my life, one step at a time to make it better and healthier. It's not about restriction, or telling myself that I can't have certain foods or ingredients. It's about learning how to live. It's not a race. There will be no end goal celebration. It's just about making my life; my family's life a little more healthy every day. 

Those are the things that I took home with me from Fitbloggin. They aren't earth shattering, or completely life-changing. In fact, they're all relatively small things. They're helping me to find a little more of myself that I seem to have lost over the years.