Meet Fatty Made A Funny: A 36 year old wife of the hunk of my dreams and mother to the 2 coolest boys in the South! Born and raised in the great state of Texas and living just outside of San Antonio in the Hill Country. I run the family business with my father and all the stress that comes with it. I'm a little too loud and a little too opinionated and way to fluffy, but I'm working on the fluff and hey - 2 out of 3 ain't bad.
You know how many people in my daily life know how much I weigh? 4, maybe 5 - and that includes my husband and my mother.
You know how many people in my daily life know that I have spent most of my life secretly binge eating? 2 - my husband and my mother.
You know how many people in my life know the pain that comes with every bite of food I have? None.
You know how many of my tweeps and blends know these things about me? Anyone who has or ever will seen my tweets or read my blog.
There seems to be a little disconnect in my life - how about yours?
Are you fully honest with the people in your daily life? Are you one person off-line and another on-line?
I can honestly say I am the same person on and off, but I know I am not fully forth coming in my daily life. Why is it so hard to be completely honest with the people closest to you? Why is it so easy to share such intimate information with people whose eyes you have never looked in to, whose hands you have never shook?
Is it fear? I think so, at least partially. Fear of what will be said, fear of seeing an expression of disgust or pity. If it turns in to a bad situation, or a painful situation I fear I will have to relive the pain every time I come in contact with that person.
Is it vanity? Possibly, for me probably. I imagine it seems odd for a person who started this journey at 365 pounds to have any vanity at all - but I do. You'd have to be blind to not know I am fat, but there is some place deep down inside me that believes something isn't 100% true until it is spoken. We used to have a dog that would cover her eyes with her paws when she was being scolded - if she couldn't see you, surely you couldn't see her - apparently I spent a little too much time with the family pets.
Is it shame? Definitely. I have so much shame packed so deeply into my body that actually speaking those words makes me physically ill. Admitting what I have done to myself, knowing how they think I've gotten here - it is just too much handle. I am ashamed of not having anymore self control than I do. I am ashamed of not caring enough about myself to want more. I am just ashamed.
I don't know why it is so much easier here, with all of you - but I know how much it means to me.
I haven't shook the hands of any of my tweeps or blends (not yet anyway), but your comments and support and words of encouragement mean as much to me as a hug by my best friend.
Do the people in your daily life know the whole truth about who you are? If they do - bravo to you! And if they don't - what keeps you from sharing with them?